Real Life

I thought I’d be able to keep this blog a little more satirical, not very serious, and you know, just keep it light, but the world’s an effed up place, and life just isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, so here’s a real post, because why hide the faults and flaws thrown my way by fate? Makes me less human to always be joking or smiling or not hurting. So, here’s a shot to the pride and it probably feels like a bigger deal then it really is but, here it is.

Before I relocated to Arizona last year I worked as a 911 dispatcher for the County Sheriff’s department, and I feel like I did a pretty good job. I learned fast, I was willing to do my job 100% and when I left I gave them sufficient notice, because that’s the person I am. I don’t want to screw people over, and I wouldn’t want to leave on bad terms. I did apply, while working there, for a deputy position, however, when they offered it to me I turned it down. I really wanted the position, however, my world was completely upside down and I didn’t feel like it was the right time. You see, I was living with an ex at the time and the house we were living in burned down. We lost everything, including my dog, and when they offered me the job, I was staying at the bowling alley, because it was December and housing is impossible to find in North Dakota. So, I turned them down even though I had applied for it, and I suppose that didn’t sit well but could they really blame me for that? I guess so because I put in an application and today in the newspaper there was an add for a dispatch and deputy position.

My self-confidence is shot right now.

The past two years seem to be an endless cycle of missteps, and heartaches. I feel like things start to go good, I think I’m heading in the right direction, life feels right and then it’s like something out there has to b*tch slap me across the face and it’s wearing me down pretty thin. I’m over today. I want to go home.

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